It meant nothing

Everything was a lie. Sigh

I thought that long hours of cry was enough. 

Yes, i felt better the next few days but my mind just couldn't stop thinking of whatever happened.

I have been occupying myself with everything i can find. Really. Yes, it worked but once i stopped or finished that thing. 

I became weak, my mind will just naturally take over then i will have to repeat the cycle again. Finding something to occupying myself and shit... 

I obviously want to be happy, tat have always been my motto in life. 

They say pretending to be happy helps.

I tried. Hard.

Anything that can makes me laugh, makes me smile, i did.

Even is just looking in the mirror and just smile to myself...

I truly believe time will heal me, but i just don't know how long it will take.

I thought i was strong enough.

Guess not after all. Hahaha

I clearly know i should stop all these shit that i am feeling.

I hate this. 

But i can only blame myself. Nothing to do with anyone else anymore.

You said i tried my best to make it work.

To think of it, i didn't. If i did, such shit wouldn't have happened.

Even though things have ended now but i am still concern about you.

I can't really get through you because we can't talk as frequent like how we do before. So it is hard.

But i do know know the only way and as much as i hate to use this way, it really is the only way.

Seems like you are actually doing pretty well and hanging out with hahaha, her frequently, i have to say i am surprise. The time and things you do for her, it is really sweet of you.

Who am i kidding if i were to say i'm not jealous? Hahaha.

Honestly after what i found out what happened, i became more insecure even though i know that you have been 'handling' with her. Well, i do thank you for the honesty although it was kinda late. Hahaha.

Ever since, i felt like i'm the third party in everything. Hanging out with you together was perfectly fine after what i found out. However, whenever we are together, something tells me you soul isn't, it was somewhere else. 

You have made a mistake and it was my fault to agree to that mistake.

Why am i bringing up the past when it's over already... Fuck my life.

This might be something selfish to say but i am selfish and thoughtless because I guess this is the reason and the truth,

You have never like me at all.