Trying hard to control

A brand new day, but the sadness from yesterday is still not slept away. I didn't had a peaceful sleep at all. I woke up with something missing.

Occasionally, in the morning i will look myself in the mirror and tell myself today is a good day or i'm happy after a bad or sad day. I guess this didn't work for me this morning. Holding back those tears is not easy, especially when i just started my morning. Took a deep breath and i felt better because the tears didn't flow. Hah

Everything just wasn't right at all. It shouldn't turn out to be like this. What's there for me to say? It's too late anyway. Headed to school and was starring into blank spaces. However, my mind was full of thoughts that i triggered my tears... So i immediately look up hoping they will obediently flow back.

Trying to occupy my mind with other thoughts because i was gonna have a presentation and i don't wanna be affected. It helped a little. Thank god. I didn't really talk much today and it's just so unusual. But in order to look like everything's fine, i still tried to reply or act normally like my usual self. It was quite tough especially when everything just hit so hard all of a sudden.

Finally some alone time in the gym and i managed to get some emotions off me but i felt useless in the gym today... I can't really focus because my mind was somewhere else. After i was done i thought i should take a breather outside the gym to try and clear and calm myself. It actually worked with the peaceful surrounding and the wind. I thought i needed more time alone before heading home so i decided to do some grocery shopping, which is my favourite and won't fail to make me happy.

Little did i know, i got all emotional again because to think of it, we actually spent quite a lot of our times at these supermarkets. Well well well, wipe them off and grabbed everything i needed and went off. I reached my house's void deck and i couldn't control anymore and so i burst into tears hysterically. Thank god i was all alone hahaha.

I don't know what the hell actually happened. My heart wants the answers but my brain is saying another. I just want everything to go back to normal and simple...