Am i really that bloody fucking messed up that just asking a question that i have the fucking rights to know, is fucking wrong? MY FAULT, ALWAYS, MY BAD, I AM TO BLAME, ALL ON ME.
Really?
Everytime such fucking unpleasant thing happened, is always me, all fingers pointing at me, even when they claims that we should give and take but it seems like to me, all are just words with no actions meant. Because eventually, is still ha, me. Have i not given enough? I'm always fucking bloody giving in as much as i can to the point that you just take it for granted and just fucking bring the same old reason to make me feel bad and congratulation, u fucking win. What else can i say? Oh it won't really make a difference actually.
As each time it happens, the hate grow, in me, my heart becomes darker. Bet you are happy about it.
Also, each time it happens, i realised i am stronger than before. I still cry and hurt and just do all the shit that comes naturally but the tears slowly dry itself unknowingly and feelings start to turn cold as if i felt myself non-existent, like a stranger to my soul.
Fighting what's killing me feels good but at the same time it still kills each time.
Every fist, every slap, every tear. I will never forget.
Walking out with tears flowing, alone, in the dark, to the lone spot where i can let it out freely and pathetically. It helps a little...
Same bullshits, i had enough.
I died too much inside tonight. It ain't healing, it's spreading. The pain. Well, just let everything be as it is. I never have a say in anything, that's what meant to be.
Fucked up
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